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Parenting – The First Year

BY SHR

I have a parenting style/theory that I’d like to share with you. Although I can’t point to exactly where I got this idea, I don’t think I made it up myself. You see, my lawyer self has been reading MANY DIFFERENT parenting books and blogs for the past 15+ months  (if you’re pregnant, I switched over from pregnancy reading to reading about baby  around 34 weeks when the anxiety of I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER kicked in!) but instead of following one particular book/blog’s style I took bits and pieces from all and created rules and a schedule that worked for us. Please feel free to do the same, take whatever is helpful from this post and create your own parenting theory; just make sure you share it with the rest of us in the comments! You never know what sleep deprived mama out there will benefit..   🙂

Panic induced trip to Barnes and Noble at week 34 of my pregnancy. I will always remember this moment- sitting on the floor reading ALL the parenting books with my love.

Months 0-6: Focus on Sleeping + Bonding and Ease Up on the Rules, Mama ?

Going into this parenthood thing I had my goals clear: I wanted to raise an independent, happy baby who, except when over-tired or sick, was generally pleasant to be around. Sounds easy enough, right? HA!

I thought having defined goals would give me a leg up on #momlife but instead, at least in the beginning, I found that the goal of having Chickie be independent made it so I was hyper vigilant for spoiling her in a way that was interfering with our bonding time. No rocking! No letting her fall asleep in your arms! No binkies! No bottles! It felt like I was drowning in rules of my own making.. Don’t get me wrong, some rules DID work for us- especially those relating to her sleep/feed routine and putting her to bed drowsy, but not asleep (for more on this, I suggest this book– my BIBLE for our first weeks at home with baby!) but for the most part during those early days, rules were more stress than help.

My advice to you for those first months is this- when a baby is under 6 months, they REALLY need you! They need ALL the cuddles, ALL the love, ALL the attention… You’re forming a bond with them! They need to trust you, they need to know that you will come when they call you, that they are being taken care of and not forgotten in a corner. Coming when they cry and holding them tight when they want to be held is what makes you a good parent in those early months. As long as you balance this with whatever sleep training method/routine you choose to implement, you will be juuuuust fine. Where things get complicated is post 6 months when (according to yours truly, at least)  the EXACT SAME BEHAVIOR that makes you a GREAT parent months 0-6, make you into a spoiling machine as baby gets older. Let me explain..

My almost 3 month old Chunky Monkey.. Photo by my lovely friend There and her Studio by T. 

Month 6 and Beyond: What Do You Mean I’m a Bad Parent?

Right around the 6 month mark, babies start craving a different kind of attention; it’s not just about having mom or dad passively hold them anymore, that just won’t cut it. 6+ month old babies want your active attention- they want you to look into their eyes and interact with them, they want your voice to go up high and down low, its hilarious! It’s at this moment that your parenting style needs to adjust to your growing baby or you’ll become the dreaded spoiling machine PRONTO.

Let me spell it out for you- attention is attention; positive or negative it doesn’t really matter as your baby doesn’t know the difference. To your 6+ month old baby who is seeking attention, your praising him for eating all his food sounds, looks and feels the EXACT SAME as your reprimanding him for knocking your glasses over or pulling your hair. When you try to curb your baby’s more annoying behaviors by giving attention to the behavior and reacting to it (again, even if you’re saying NOO BABY NOO) you are actually encouraging the behavior; you are teaching the baby that if he wants to get Mama’s attention (which again, he does!) a good way to do that is by [insert annoying behavior here] the exact opposite of what you’re intending to teach him. Does that make sense? Still too nebulous of an idea? Let me break it down for you with a real life example.. FYI, this was one of my BIGGEST pet peeves with parenting books- give some concrete examples, people! Give me some actual steps to follow! Grr.. end of rant.

  • Real Life Example: Throwing the Sippy Cup Off the Highchair

Oh. Em. Gee. This used to drive me NUTS with Chickie Lou! Shortly after the Little Bird started solids she developed the bad habit of throwing her sippy cup off the highchair onto the floor. At first, every time she dropped it I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in its place. I was literally doing this at least 10 times which each meal saying something along the lines of “WE DON’T THROW THINGS ON THE FLOOR, CHICK CHICK.” It was driving me crazy! After reading and reading I came up with a plan of action: I would pick up the sippy cup three times and no more. After this, if she threw it on the ground there’d be no more sippy cup with her meal. Sounds like a good plan, right? Nope.. Didn’t work. I always ended up doing it more than three times and interacting with her in the process- again, this will only reinforce the behavior, blah! What DID work was this: IGNORING THE BEHAVIOR. Without looking in her eyes or talking or acknowledging her any any way, when she dropped her sippy cup on purpose I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in her tray. That’s it. It was the same thing I was doing before, yes, but this time I was doing it conscious of NOT GIVING HER ATTENTION. It took about a week but she learned the lesson- throwing your sippy cup on the ground is not a way to get mama’s attention. Soon after it wasn’t getting her attention anymore, she stopped doing it.

  • Real Life Example: Knocking Mama’s Glasses Off

Another bad habit Soph developed around month 8 or 9 that drove me crazy was knocking my glasses off my face, over and over and over again. Ughhh, I love my baby but BOY was this annoying. Again, I tried telling her no and explaining that I need my glasses to see. Without meaning to I was reinforcing the behavior by giving it attention. Bad mama! As soon as I stopped paying attention to her knocking my glasses of (this was quite challenging, as she was literally smacking me in the face!) she stopped engaging in the annoying behavior. This took a little bit longer, I’d say around a week and a half but eventually it worked!

It’s not easy ignoring baby’s annoying behavior, ESPECIALLY when you’re out and about.  Letting the sippy cup fall on the floor fifty times is fine to do at home but in a germ-y restaurant, not so much. Take advantage of time at home to really nail down your Resting Mom Face and soon you’ll see those annoying behaviors are a thing of the past. Keep in mind though- when baby is sick or over-tired ALL RULES ARE OUT THE WINDOW.

Some Parting Thoughts on the First Year

The last thing I’d like you to keep in mind for baby’s first year is this: ALL BABIES ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL. ALL BABIES REACH MILESTONES AT THEIR OWN PACE. Putting your baby on strict timeline and comparing them to your friends’ kiddos will rarely be reassuring and will ALWAYS be anxiety provoking. Your baby is an individual and he/she will roll, crawl, walk, talk and hit all the other milestones whenever they are ready. Breathe. Relax. You got this, mama!

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Comments

  1. Danielle says

    October 18, 2017 at 2:34 am

    You speak the truth, Mama! Hamish hasn’t gotten to the glasses knocking phase yet, but I have to prepare. 😉

    Reply
    • SHR says

      October 18, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Get ready cause it’s a comminnnnn haha Thanks for stopping by lovie!

      Reply
  2. Paulina Valdez Franco says

    September 13, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    Thanks fo sharing! My little one is almost 5 months old so im gettin ready to hit that 6 month mark! =)

    Reply
    • SHR says

      September 15, 2017 at 10:24 am

      Good luck! Keep me posted on how it works for you!

      Reply
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  @ALittleTooLoud
Just a happy, HAPPY day 🌊🤍🙏🏽✨ Find l Just a happy, HAPPY day 🌊🤍🙏🏽✨ Find links to everything, inflatable SUP board + $30 striped Amazon set included, at the link in my bio 💥💥
Sharing ✌🏽 of our favorite Boston Summer adve Sharing ✌🏽 of our favorite Boston Summer adventure with the kiddos ☀️🙌🏽💦 both of which just opened this week! Stay tuned for more ways to make the best of summer in Boston with kids— we’re only getting started!! 💥💥 

Did you know there are @bcyfcenters like the Mirabella pool all over the city?! They are free but you have to register online to reserve a spot - registration opens 24 hours before swim time 🏊‍♂️✨ 

What’s YOUR favorite way to enjoy (and beat!) the city heat? 🔥🏙🤗
HI FRIENDS! 👋🏽 It’s been a minute and ther HI FRIENDS! 👋🏽 It’s been a minute and there’s some new faces around here so.. Hiiiii 💁🏽‍♀️ my name is Stephanie and I’m a little too loud 😅😅 I was born and raised in Panama 🇵🇦 but have been living in Boston for the past 15+ years with my #handsomehubbs 🧔🏼‍♂️ and our three babies: Chickie (6) 🐥, Teddy Bear 🐻 and Peter, our scruffy rescue pup 🐶🫶🏽✨ I started this blog in 2017 after spending my first year of motherhood like 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ WHY didn’t anybody tell me any of this?!? 

🤳🏽 My content reaaaally runs the gamut— mom + general life hacks, home, fashion, easy meals, traveling tips, gardening, bad guitar playing/singing— the one constant is REALITY. Motherhood is messy and chaotic, the idea is not to pretend otherwise but to learn, laugh (and sometimes cry!) through it all, together 🫶🏽🫶🏽 

If you are new here, WELCOME! 💕 If you are an OG - what can you tell our new community members about LTL?! 👇🏽 Old, new, auntie, grandma, mom or/and friend— thanks for being here, love! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🤗🤗
#sponsored Did you know @zoonewengland’s Frankli #sponsored Did you know @zoonewengland’s Franklin Park Zoo has a new exhibit? 🤩🤩 #GorillaGrove is a state-of-the-art outdoor gorilla habitat 🦍 that lets visitors get up close and personal with the critically endangered species 🙌🏽 I visited the Zoo with my monkeys 🐒🐒 and had so much fun learning about Western Lowland Gorillas 🫶🏽🫶🏽 Our favorite part of #GorillaGrove was the central observational outpost within the habitat - such a cool perspective of the gorillas’ new home sweet home ☺️ Thanks for having us @zoonewengland 🙏🏽 we will surely be back very soon!! 🦍 #franklinparkzoo #fpzoo
Let’s get crafty, my friends 🖊💥 I learned Let’s get crafty, my friends 🖊💥 I learned (very basic 😅) lettering skills about 5 years ago with @chalkfulloflove ‘s 📚 Hand Lettering 101 📚 It’s linked in my bio if you’re curious! HAPPY LAST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN TO OUR BEST GIRL!! Please stop growing 😭😭
A very Boston day to celebrate our very Boston guy A very Boston day to celebrate our very Boston guy ⚾️❤️💫 

Tips for Fenway with kids: 

⚾️ Enter through Gate K, aka the kid’s gate for lots of fun hands-on games 💫

⚾️If kiddos lose interest or get tired (we surpassingly made it through all 9 innings!!), head to Wally’s Club House for face painting, a magic show, toddler playground etc.. open from innings 3-7 🙌🏽

⚾️Although game-goers are limited in what size bags they can bring in (nothing bigger than a small purse, essentially) diaper bags get a free pass ✅ 

⚾️Small strollers are allowed in the stadium - although we left ours behind. 

⚾️ There’s 5 Family bathrooms, all large enough for multiple kiddos + parents 🔥

⚾️Kiddos 2 and under don’t require a ticket 🎫 

⚾️ Purchase tickets at the CVS Family Section if you’re worried about cursing and drinking - no alcohol is allowed in the CVS Family Section. 

⚾️ Forgot your sunscreen? Head to the Customer Service Booths and they’ll hook you up with that and much more- think bandaids, Neosporin, etc…. 

⚾️Nursing/pumping stations are located all around the park 🙌🏽🙌🏽
Wait for it…. 🥲🦃🤣🤣 I gained 75 pound Wait for it…. 🥲🦃🤣🤣 I gained 75 pounds when pregnant with Chickie and she was a little over 10 pounds at birth 🤯 so no matter how many @melissawoodhealth ab focused flows I do, my turkey neck belly is here to stay… and I wouldn’t want it any other way 🔥 I earned this extra skin!! 💪🏽👊🏽🤍🙌🏽 

Your turn! Tell me you’re a mom without telling me you’re a mom.. and GO!! 👇🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
We love you like THAT @matthewburkerice ❤️✨ We love you like THAT @matthewburkerice ❤️✨ Happy Fathers Day to our #1 🌟 the man of our dreams, king 🤴 of our hearts and bellies👨🏼‍🍳 su papá 🐥🐻🐶 y mi papacito 🔥🤭😂 We love you forever and ever, in this lifetime and the next 💫  Gracias por tanto, mi amor. Te amamos like you ❤️ Boston sports!! 😂😂🥰🥰🥰
📚✏️First grade, here comes my best girl! 💕🙏🏽✨ After 3/4 of pre-k being remote, it honestly feels v fitting that Mama is also “wearing” a 🎓!! 🤣🤣🤣🤪 #classof2034


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Just a happy, HAPPY day 🌊🤍🙏🏽✨ Find l Just a happy, HAPPY day 🌊🤍🙏🏽✨ Find links to everything, inflatable SUP board + $30 striped Amazon set included, at the link in my bio 💥💥
Sharing ✌🏽 of our favorite Boston Summer adve Sharing ✌🏽 of our favorite Boston Summer adventure with the kiddos ☀️🙌🏽💦 both of which just opened this week! Stay tuned for more ways to make the best of summer in Boston with kids— we’re only getting started!! 💥💥 

Did you know there are @bcyfcenters like the Mirabella pool all over the city?! They are free but you have to register online to reserve a spot - registration opens 24 hours before swim time 🏊‍♂️✨ 

What’s YOUR favorite way to enjoy (and beat!) the city heat? 🔥🏙🤗
HI FRIENDS! 👋🏽 It’s been a minute and ther HI FRIENDS! 👋🏽 It’s been a minute and there’s some new faces around here so.. Hiiiii 💁🏽‍♀️ my name is Stephanie and I’m a little too loud 😅😅 I was born and raised in Panama 🇵🇦 but have been living in Boston for the past 15+ years with my #handsomehubbs 🧔🏼‍♂️ and our three babies: Chickie (6) 🐥, Teddy Bear 🐻 and Peter, our scruffy rescue pup 🐶🫶🏽✨ I started this blog in 2017 after spending my first year of motherhood like 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ WHY didn’t anybody tell me any of this?!? 

🤳🏽 My content reaaaally runs the gamut— mom + general life hacks, home, fashion, easy meals, traveling tips, gardening, bad guitar playing/singing— the one constant is REALITY. Motherhood is messy and chaotic, the idea is not to pretend otherwise but to learn, laugh (and sometimes cry!) through it all, together 🫶🏽🫶🏽 

If you are new here, WELCOME! 💕 If you are an OG - what can you tell our new community members about LTL?! 👇🏽 Old, new, auntie, grandma, mom or/and friend— thanks for being here, love! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🤗🤗
#sponsored Did you know @zoonewengland’s Frankli #sponsored Did you know @zoonewengland’s Franklin Park Zoo has a new exhibit? 🤩🤩 #GorillaGrove is a state-of-the-art outdoor gorilla habitat 🦍 that lets visitors get up close and personal with the critically endangered species 🙌🏽 I visited the Zoo with my monkeys 🐒🐒 and had so much fun learning about Western Lowland Gorillas 🫶🏽🫶🏽 Our favorite part of #GorillaGrove was the central observational outpost within the habitat - such a cool perspective of the gorillas’ new home sweet home ☺️ Thanks for having us @zoonewengland 🙏🏽 we will surely be back very soon!! 🦍 #franklinparkzoo #fpzoo
Let’s get crafty, my friends 🖊💥 I learned Let’s get crafty, my friends 🖊💥 I learned (very basic 😅) lettering skills about 5 years ago with @chalkfulloflove ‘s 📚 Hand Lettering 101 📚 It’s linked in my bio if you’re curious! HAPPY LAST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN TO OUR BEST GIRL!! Please stop growing 😭😭
A very Boston day to celebrate our very Boston guy A very Boston day to celebrate our very Boston guy ⚾️❤️💫 

Tips for Fenway with kids: 

⚾️ Enter through Gate K, aka the kid’s gate for lots of fun hands-on games 💫

⚾️If kiddos lose interest or get tired (we surpassingly made it through all 9 innings!!), head to Wally’s Club House for face painting, a magic show, toddler playground etc.. open from innings 3-7 🙌🏽

⚾️Although game-goers are limited in what size bags they can bring in (nothing bigger than a small purse, essentially) diaper bags get a free pass ✅ 

⚾️Small strollers are allowed in the stadium - although we left ours behind. 

⚾️ There’s 5 Family bathrooms, all large enough for multiple kiddos + parents 🔥

⚾️Kiddos 2 and under don’t require a ticket 🎫 

⚾️ Purchase tickets at the CVS Family Section if you’re worried about cursing and drinking - no alcohol is allowed in the CVS Family Section. 

⚾️ Forgot your sunscreen? Head to the Customer Service Booths and they’ll hook you up with that and much more- think bandaids, Neosporin, etc…. 

⚾️Nursing/pumping stations are located all around the park 🙌🏽🙌🏽
Wait for it…. 🥲🦃🤣🤣 I gained 75 pound Wait for it…. 🥲🦃🤣🤣 I gained 75 pounds when pregnant with Chickie and she was a little over 10 pounds at birth 🤯 so no matter how many @melissawoodhealth ab focused flows I do, my turkey neck belly is here to stay… and I wouldn’t want it any other way 🔥 I earned this extra skin!! 💪🏽👊🏽🤍🙌🏽 

Your turn! Tell me you’re a mom without telling me you’re a mom.. and GO!! 👇🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
We love you like THAT @matthewburkerice ❤️✨ We love you like THAT @matthewburkerice ❤️✨ Happy Fathers Day to our #1 🌟 the man of our dreams, king 🤴 of our hearts and bellies👨🏼‍🍳 su papá 🐥🐻🐶 y mi papacito 🔥🤭😂 We love you forever and ever, in this lifetime and the next 💫  Gracias por tanto, mi amor. Te amamos like you ❤️ Boston sports!! 😂😂🥰🥰🥰
📚✏️First grade, here comes my best girl! 💕🙏🏽✨ After 3/4 of pre-k being remote, it honestly feels v fitting that Mama is also “wearing” a 🎓!! 🤣🤣🤣🤪 #classof2034
The last of our Father’s Day Gift Guide ft. gift The last of our Father’s Day Gift Guide ft. gifts for the Dad that maaaybe should’ve been born in Europe 😎🤌🏽😂💕 Neutral everything with clean, sleek lines - all links in bio!! 💥💥 Happy Dada Day, my friends! 🥰
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