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Parenting – The First Year

BY SHR

I have a parenting style/theory that I’d like to share with you. Although I can’t point to exactly where I got this idea, I don’t think I made it up myself. You see, my lawyer self has been reading MANY DIFFERENT parenting books and blogs for the past 15+ months  (if you’re pregnant, I switched over from pregnancy reading to reading about baby  around 34 weeks when the anxiety of I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER kicked in!) but instead of following one particular book/blog’s style I took bits and pieces from all and created rules and a schedule that worked for us. Please feel free to do the same, take whatever is helpful from this post and create your own parenting theory; just make sure you share it with the rest of us in the comments! You never know what sleep deprived mama out there will benefit..   🙂

Panic induced trip to Barnes and Noble at week 34 of my pregnancy. I will always remember this moment- sitting on the floor reading ALL the parenting books with my love.

Months 0-6: Focus on Sleeping + Bonding and Ease Up on the Rules, Mama ?

Going into this parenthood thing I had my goals clear: I wanted to raise an independent, happy baby who, except when over-tired or sick, was generally pleasant to be around. Sounds easy enough, right? HA!

I thought having defined goals would give me a leg up on #momlife but instead, at least in the beginning, I found that the goal of having Chickie be independent made it so I was hyper vigilant for spoiling her in a way that was interfering with our bonding time. No rocking! No letting her fall asleep in your arms! No binkies! No bottles! It felt like I was drowning in rules of my own making.. Don’t get me wrong, some rules DID work for us- especially those relating to her sleep/feed routine and putting her to bed drowsy, but not asleep (for more on this, I suggest this book– my BIBLE for our first weeks at home with baby!) but for the most part during those early days, rules were more stress than help.

My advice to you for those first months is this- when a baby is under 6 months, they REALLY need you! They need ALL the cuddles, ALL the love, ALL the attention… You’re forming a bond with them! They need to trust you, they need to know that you will come when they call you, that they are being taken care of and not forgotten in a corner. Coming when they cry and holding them tight when they want to be held is what makes you a good parent in those early months. As long as you balance this with whatever sleep training method/routine you choose to implement, you will be juuuuust fine. Where things get complicated is post 6 months when (according to yours truly, at least)  the EXACT SAME BEHAVIOR that makes you a GREAT parent months 0-6, make you into a spoiling machine as baby gets older. Let me explain..

My almost 3 month old Chunky Monkey.. Photo by my lovely friend There and her Studio by T. 

Month 6 and Beyond: What Do You Mean I’m a Bad Parent?

Right around the 6 month mark, babies start craving a different kind of attention; it’s not just about having mom or dad passively hold them anymore, that just won’t cut it. 6+ month old babies want your active attention- they want you to look into their eyes and interact with them, they want your voice to go up high and down low, its hilarious! It’s at this moment that your parenting style needs to adjust to your growing baby or you’ll become the dreaded spoiling machine PRONTO.

Let me spell it out for you- attention is attention; positive or negative it doesn’t really matter as your baby doesn’t know the difference. To your 6+ month old baby who is seeking attention, your praising him for eating all his food sounds, looks and feels the EXACT SAME as your reprimanding him for knocking your glasses over or pulling your hair. When you try to curb your baby’s more annoying behaviors by giving attention to the behavior and reacting to it (again, even if you’re saying NOO BABY NOO) you are actually encouraging the behavior; you are teaching the baby that if he wants to get Mama’s attention (which again, he does!) a good way to do that is by [insert annoying behavior here] the exact opposite of what you’re intending to teach him. Does that make sense? Still too nebulous of an idea? Let me break it down for you with a real life example.. FYI, this was one of my BIGGEST pet peeves with parenting books- give some concrete examples, people! Give me some actual steps to follow! Grr.. end of rant.

  • Real Life Example: Throwing the Sippy Cup Off the Highchair

Oh. Em. Gee. This used to drive me NUTS with Chickie Lou! Shortly after the Little Bird started solids she developed the bad habit of throwing her sippy cup off the highchair onto the floor. At first, every time she dropped it I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in its place. I was literally doing this at least 10 times which each meal saying something along the lines of “WE DON’T THROW THINGS ON THE FLOOR, CHICK CHICK.” It was driving me crazy! After reading and reading I came up with a plan of action: I would pick up the sippy cup three times and no more. After this, if she threw it on the ground there’d be no more sippy cup with her meal. Sounds like a good plan, right? Nope.. Didn’t work. I always ended up doing it more than three times and interacting with her in the process- again, this will only reinforce the behavior, blah! What DID work was this: IGNORING THE BEHAVIOR. Without looking in her eyes or talking or acknowledging her any any way, when she dropped her sippy cup on purpose I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in her tray. That’s it. It was the same thing I was doing before, yes, but this time I was doing it conscious of NOT GIVING HER ATTENTION. It took about a week but she learned the lesson- throwing your sippy cup on the ground is not a way to get mama’s attention. Soon after it wasn’t getting her attention anymore, she stopped doing it.

  • Real Life Example: Knocking Mama’s Glasses Off

Another bad habit Soph developed around month 8 or 9 that drove me crazy was knocking my glasses off my face, over and over and over again. Ughhh, I love my baby but BOY was this annoying. Again, I tried telling her no and explaining that I need my glasses to see. Without meaning to I was reinforcing the behavior by giving it attention. Bad mama! As soon as I stopped paying attention to her knocking my glasses of (this was quite challenging, as she was literally smacking me in the face!) she stopped engaging in the annoying behavior. This took a little bit longer, I’d say around a week and a half but eventually it worked!

It’s not easy ignoring baby’s annoying behavior, ESPECIALLY when you’re out and about.  Letting the sippy cup fall on the floor fifty times is fine to do at home but in a germ-y restaurant, not so much. Take advantage of time at home to really nail down your Resting Mom Face and soon you’ll see those annoying behaviors are a thing of the past. Keep in mind though- when baby is sick or over-tired ALL RULES ARE OUT THE WINDOW.

Some Parting Thoughts on the First Year

The last thing I’d like you to keep in mind for baby’s first year is this: ALL BABIES ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL. ALL BABIES REACH MILESTONES AT THEIR OWN PACE. Putting your baby on strict timeline and comparing them to your friends’ kiddos will rarely be reassuring and will ALWAYS be anxiety provoking. Your baby is an individual and he/she will roll, crawl, walk, talk and hit all the other milestones whenever they are ready. Breathe. Relax. You got this, mama!

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Comments

  1. Danielle says

    October 18, 2017 at 2:34 am

    You speak the truth, Mama! Hamish hasn’t gotten to the glasses knocking phase yet, but I have to prepare. 😉

    Reply
    • SHR says

      October 18, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Get ready cause it’s a comminnnnn haha Thanks for stopping by lovie!

      Reply
  2. Paulina Valdez Franco says

    September 13, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    Thanks fo sharing! My little one is almost 5 months old so im gettin ready to hit that 6 month mark! =)

    Reply
    • SHR says

      September 15, 2017 at 10:24 am

      Good luck! Keep me posted on how it works for you!

      Reply
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  @ALittleTooLoud
It’s Chickie first (real) day of K-1 and my hear It’s Chickie first (real) day of K-1 and my heart can’t take it!!! 😭❤️🙏🏽 

After 6 months of online learning, Chick will be going to school in person 2 days per week starting TODAY and it’s truly got me feeling ALL the feels! 

🦠 Slowly but surely we are returning to normal and this feels like a (much needed) first step. 🙏🏽

Are your kiddos going to school in person? How are you feeling about the about it? It’s 11AM and I’ve texted Chick’s teacher more times than I care to admit 😅😅😅😅 Big girl school, here goes nothing... 🙏🏽🤞🏽❤️🤧
👋🏽 friends! My name is Steph and I am a litt 👋🏽 friends! My name is Steph and I am a little too loud 🙋🏽‍♀️😅😂 It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these intro posts and there’s some new faces around here, so I figured I’d give it a go 🤗

I was born and raised in Panama and my first language is Spanish, but I’ve been living in Boston for the past 15 years! 😱 10 of those with my 🇺🇸 #handsomehubbs ❤️🥰 I’m a part time (on a good day 💆🏽‍♀️) legal aid attorney and full time Mama to 4.5 year old ChickieLou 🐥, 2 year old Baby Bear 🐻 and the sweetest, scruffiest pup, Peter Rice ❤️ Blogging is my side hustle and YOU are my favorite part of it ⚡️ 

Three and a half years ago, I started this blog with the goal of HONESTLY documenting my life as a modern day mama— the good, the bad, and especially the funny 🤪 sharing tips and tricks along the way ☺️ Keeping it REAL is the name of the game here at LTL! I found myself asking ‘why doesn’t anybody talk about this?’ SO many times during my first year of motherhood that I finally decided I would talk about it, ALL. OF. IT. 👊🏽💪🏽🥰

If you’ve been following for a bit, what can you tell our newest members about our little community? If you’re new, what brought you here? 👇🏽🗣

Whether you’re a new reader or a ride or die LTLer thank you for being here, learning with me in this space. It means a lot! I don’t always get it right, but I sure do try my hardest and if that’s not the definition of Mommin’ in 2020/21 I don’t know what is!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Feeding littles has never been easier thanks to @c Feeding littles has never been easier thanks to @cpk ‘s Family Meal Packages 🔥#sponsored 
 
Dinner for Two is just $25, Dinner for Four is $45 and both options include CPK favorites that even the pickiest eater will be excited about! 🙌🏽 Pickup could not have been easier (or quicker!) thanks to validated (free!) parking at our favorite, the @pruboston 🤩⚡️ Take a family meal (or two!) off your to-do list this week with @cpk ‘s Family Meal Packages and pour yourself a glass of wine while you’re at it, you deserve it Mama!! 💆🏽‍♀️🍷🍕✨ #PruBoston #Ad
Home is where the (scruffy) pup is 😍 Back to ou Home is where the (scruffy) pup is 😍 Back to our #CasaRice, quarantining after the loveliest week away! 🎿❄️🙏🏽 My inbox is bursting at the seems and I’m feeling like I need a vacation from our vacation... anyone else?🥴💆🏽‍♀️😂 there is truly not enough coffee in the WORLD. ☕️☠️ 

Monday, let’s do this! 👊🏽❤️✨ Wishing a happy, healthy and productive week to all! 🤍🤍🤍
And that’s a wrap on our school vacation week sk And that’s a wrap on our school vacation week ski getaway ✅  Headed home with tired bodies but rested souls 🤍🙏🏽✨ So beyond thankful for the time away + all the memories made with friends who are family. Until next time, Vermont! You are magical 💫

My 🍑 ski outfit is a teens size XL so it’s more affordable than most 🙌🏽💯 Linked it in bio along with almost everything else we are wearing. If you go  to alittletooloud.com you will find a full (link heavy) post on how we dress the littles for a winter day spent outdoors ❤️❤️ http://liketk.it/38RQy #liketkit @liketoknow.it
Wearing plaid under a covered bridge ✅ I’m tol Wearing plaid under a covered bridge ✅ I’m told this is how you VT, please confirm. 😂🤗🎿🙌🏽❄️ Find our outfit deets in bio and a brand new post on dressing littles for winter on alittletooloud.com ⚡️

 http://liketk.it/38Ass #liketkit @liketoknow.it @liketoknow.it.family
Chatting all things winter weather over on the blo Chatting all things winter weather over on the blog today— just in time for our second ❄️ of the week! 🥴😅💆🏽‍♀️🤗 Click the link in bio or visit alittletooloud.com to get the low down on how we layer the littles for outdoor play in the winter with LOTS and lots of links to our favorite items (most on sale!) 🙌🏽❄️🤍 Did I miss anything? Anything I should expand on? Let me know with a comment below 🥰🥰🥰 Happy browsing, friends. Let’s get outside!! ☃️💕✨
On top of the world with my loves ❤️🙏🏽✨ Full, grateful, tired hearts all around 🥰🎿❄️🤍 #family
It’s all fun and games until Mom asks for a nice It’s all fun and games until Mom asks for a nice picture... just me? 🙄😷💆🏽‍♀️😂 Below freezing temps or not, outside time is about the only thing keeping us sane these days. Bring on the the cozy winter layers ❄️🙏🏽🙌🏽 

All my outfit deets are linked in my bio and @liketoknow.it - working on a longer post of kiddo winter gear ⚡️ My @sweatybetty base layer set is still on sale 🙌🏽 also, the $30 diaper bag ya’ll recommended has been 🔥and you can’t beat $14 sunnies ❤️ If you once told me I’d be wearing pieces from @abercrombie in my 30s I’d laugh out loud.. yet here I am, deeply obsessed with this affordable mini puffer (2 winters and counting!) + thick, cozy fleece. 🤯 Never say never, my friends 😅😜🥰


Stay updated on all things A Little Too Loud without getting your inbox inundated! We're squarely on #teamnospam

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@ALittleTooLoud

alittletooloud

👩🏽‍⚖️🐥🐻🐶 Part time lawyer, full time Mama, sometimes blogger 🤗 Raising bilingual babies in Boston, MA📍with my #handsomehubbs ❤️ PANAMEÑA 🇵🇦

Steph 👩🏽‍💻A Little Too Loud 💕✨
It’s Chickie first (real) day of K-1 and my hear It’s Chickie first (real) day of K-1 and my heart can’t take it!!! 😭❤️🙏🏽 

After 6 months of online learning, Chick will be going to school in person 2 days per week starting TODAY and it’s truly got me feeling ALL the feels! 

🦠 Slowly but surely we are returning to normal and this feels like a (much needed) first step. 🙏🏽

Are your kiddos going to school in person? How are you feeling about the about it? It’s 11AM and I’ve texted Chick’s teacher more times than I care to admit 😅😅😅😅 Big girl school, here goes nothing... 🙏🏽🤞🏽❤️🤧
👋🏽 friends! My name is Steph and I am a litt 👋🏽 friends! My name is Steph and I am a little too loud 🙋🏽‍♀️😅😂 It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these intro posts and there’s some new faces around here, so I figured I’d give it a go 🤗

I was born and raised in Panama and my first language is Spanish, but I’ve been living in Boston for the past 15 years! 😱 10 of those with my 🇺🇸 #handsomehubbs ❤️🥰 I’m a part time (on a good day 💆🏽‍♀️) legal aid attorney and full time Mama to 4.5 year old ChickieLou 🐥, 2 year old Baby Bear 🐻 and the sweetest, scruffiest pup, Peter Rice ❤️ Blogging is my side hustle and YOU are my favorite part of it ⚡️ 

Three and a half years ago, I started this blog with the goal of HONESTLY documenting my life as a modern day mama— the good, the bad, and especially the funny 🤪 sharing tips and tricks along the way ☺️ Keeping it REAL is the name of the game here at LTL! I found myself asking ‘why doesn’t anybody talk about this?’ SO many times during my first year of motherhood that I finally decided I would talk about it, ALL. OF. IT. 👊🏽💪🏽🥰

If you’ve been following for a bit, what can you tell our newest members about our little community? If you’re new, what brought you here? 👇🏽🗣

Whether you’re a new reader or a ride or die LTLer thank you for being here, learning with me in this space. It means a lot! I don’t always get it right, but I sure do try my hardest and if that’s not the definition of Mommin’ in 2020/21 I don’t know what is!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Feeding littles has never been easier thanks to @c Feeding littles has never been easier thanks to @cpk ‘s Family Meal Packages 🔥#sponsored 
 
Dinner for Two is just $25, Dinner for Four is $45 and both options include CPK favorites that even the pickiest eater will be excited about! 🙌🏽 Pickup could not have been easier (or quicker!) thanks to validated (free!) parking at our favorite, the @pruboston 🤩⚡️ Take a family meal (or two!) off your to-do list this week with @cpk ‘s Family Meal Packages and pour yourself a glass of wine while you’re at it, you deserve it Mama!! 💆🏽‍♀️🍷🍕✨ #PruBoston #Ad
Home is where the (scruffy) pup is 😍 Back to ou Home is where the (scruffy) pup is 😍 Back to our #CasaRice, quarantining after the loveliest week away! 🎿❄️🙏🏽 My inbox is bursting at the seems and I’m feeling like I need a vacation from our vacation... anyone else?🥴💆🏽‍♀️😂 there is truly not enough coffee in the WORLD. ☕️☠️ 

Monday, let’s do this! 👊🏽❤️✨ Wishing a happy, healthy and productive week to all! 🤍🤍🤍
And that’s a wrap on our school vacation week sk And that’s a wrap on our school vacation week ski getaway ✅  Headed home with tired bodies but rested souls 🤍🙏🏽✨ So beyond thankful for the time away + all the memories made with friends who are family. Until next time, Vermont! You are magical 💫

My 🍑 ski outfit is a teens size XL so it’s more affordable than most 🙌🏽💯 Linked it in bio along with almost everything else we are wearing. If you go  to alittletooloud.com you will find a full (link heavy) post on how we dress the littles for a winter day spent outdoors ❤️❤️ http://liketk.it/38RQy #liketkit @liketoknow.it
Wearing plaid under a covered bridge ✅ I’m tol Wearing plaid under a covered bridge ✅ I’m told this is how you VT, please confirm. 😂🤗🎿🙌🏽❄️ Find our outfit deets in bio and a brand new post on dressing littles for winter on alittletooloud.com ⚡️

 http://liketk.it/38Ass #liketkit @liketoknow.it @liketoknow.it.family
Chatting all things winter weather over on the blo Chatting all things winter weather over on the blog today— just in time for our second ❄️ of the week! 🥴😅💆🏽‍♀️🤗 Click the link in bio or visit alittletooloud.com to get the low down on how we layer the littles for outdoor play in the winter with LOTS and lots of links to our favorite items (most on sale!) 🙌🏽❄️🤍 Did I miss anything? Anything I should expand on? Let me know with a comment below 🥰🥰🥰 Happy browsing, friends. Let’s get outside!! ☃️💕✨
On top of the world with my loves ❤️🙏🏽✨ Full, grateful, tired hearts all around 🥰🎿❄️🤍 #family
It’s all fun and games until Mom asks for a nice It’s all fun and games until Mom asks for a nice picture... just me? 🙄😷💆🏽‍♀️😂 Below freezing temps or not, outside time is about the only thing keeping us sane these days. Bring on the the cozy winter layers ❄️🙏🏽🙌🏽 

All my outfit deets are linked in my bio and @liketoknow.it - working on a longer post of kiddo winter gear ⚡️ My @sweatybetty base layer set is still on sale 🙌🏽 also, the $30 diaper bag ya’ll recommended has been 🔥and you can’t beat $14 sunnies ❤️ If you once told me I’d be wearing pieces from @abercrombie in my 30s I’d laugh out loud.. yet here I am, deeply obsessed with this affordable mini puffer (2 winters and counting!) + thick, cozy fleece. 🤯 Never say never, my friends 😅😜🥰
💯 more excited about the time away from the kid 💯 more excited about the time away from the kids than the new car, can you tell? 😅🤣💆🏽‍♀️ After months of 👀 we settled on a 2018 CX90 from @volvocarusa - what should we name her?? I vote #ricemobile 🤷🏽‍♀️😂❤️ Happy Saturday, friends!
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