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Parenting – The First Year

BY SHR

I have a parenting style/theory that I’d like to share with you. Although I can’t point to exactly where I got this idea, I don’t think I made it up myself. You see, my lawyer self has been reading MANY DIFFERENT parenting books and blogs for the past 15+ months  (if you’re pregnant, I switched over from pregnancy reading to reading about baby  around 34 weeks when the anxiety of I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER kicked in!) but instead of following one particular book/blog’s style I took bits and pieces from all and created rules and a schedule that worked for us. Please feel free to do the same, take whatever is helpful from this post and create your own parenting theory; just make sure you share it with the rest of us in the comments! You never know what sleep deprived mama out there will benefit..   🙂

Panic induced trip to Barnes and Noble at week 34 of my pregnancy. I will always remember this moment- sitting on the floor reading ALL the parenting books with my love.

Months 0-6: Focus on Sleeping + Bonding and Ease Up on the Rules, Mama ?

Going into this parenthood thing I had my goals clear: I wanted to raise an independent, happy baby who, except when over-tired or sick, was generally pleasant to be around. Sounds easy enough, right? HA!

I thought having defined goals would give me a leg up on #momlife but instead, at least in the beginning, I found that the goal of having Chickie be independent made it so I was hyper vigilant for spoiling her in a way that was interfering with our bonding time. No rocking! No letting her fall asleep in your arms! No binkies! No bottles! It felt like I was drowning in rules of my own making.. Don’t get me wrong, some rules DID work for us- especially those relating to her sleep/feed routine and putting her to bed drowsy, but not asleep (for more on this, I suggest this book– my BIBLE for our first weeks at home with baby!) but for the most part during those early days, rules were more stress than help.

My advice to you for those first months is this- when a baby is under 6 months, they REALLY need you! They need ALL the cuddles, ALL the love, ALL the attention… You’re forming a bond with them! They need to trust you, they need to know that you will come when they call you, that they are being taken care of and not forgotten in a corner. Coming when they cry and holding them tight when they want to be held is what makes you a good parent in those early months. As long as you balance this with whatever sleep training method/routine you choose to implement, you will be juuuuust fine. Where things get complicated is post 6 months when (according to yours truly, at least)  the EXACT SAME BEHAVIOR that makes you a GREAT parent months 0-6, make you into a spoiling machine as baby gets older. Let me explain..

My almost 3 month old Chunky Monkey.. Photo by my lovely friend There and her Studio by T. 

Month 6 and Beyond: What Do You Mean I’m a Bad Parent?

Right around the 6 month mark, babies start craving a different kind of attention; it’s not just about having mom or dad passively hold them anymore, that just won’t cut it. 6+ month old babies want your active attention- they want you to look into their eyes and interact with them, they want your voice to go up high and down low, its hilarious! It’s at this moment that your parenting style needs to adjust to your growing baby or you’ll become the dreaded spoiling machine PRONTO.

Let me spell it out for you- attention is attention; positive or negative it doesn’t really matter as your baby doesn’t know the difference. To your 6+ month old baby who is seeking attention, your praising him for eating all his food sounds, looks and feels the EXACT SAME as your reprimanding him for knocking your glasses over or pulling your hair. When you try to curb your baby’s more annoying behaviors by giving attention to the behavior and reacting to it (again, even if you’re saying NOO BABY NOO) you are actually encouraging the behavior; you are teaching the baby that if he wants to get Mama’s attention (which again, he does!) a good way to do that is by [insert annoying behavior here] the exact opposite of what you’re intending to teach him. Does that make sense? Still too nebulous of an idea? Let me break it down for you with a real life example.. FYI, this was one of my BIGGEST pet peeves with parenting books- give some concrete examples, people! Give me some actual steps to follow! Grr.. end of rant.

  • Real Life Example: Throwing the Sippy Cup Off the Highchair

Oh. Em. Gee. This used to drive me NUTS with Chickie Lou! Shortly after the Little Bird started solids she developed the bad habit of throwing her sippy cup off the highchair onto the floor. At first, every time she dropped it I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in its place. I was literally doing this at least 10 times which each meal saying something along the lines of “WE DON’T THROW THINGS ON THE FLOOR, CHICK CHICK.” It was driving me crazy! After reading and reading I came up with a plan of action: I would pick up the sippy cup three times and no more. After this, if she threw it on the ground there’d be no more sippy cup with her meal. Sounds like a good plan, right? Nope.. Didn’t work. I always ended up doing it more than three times and interacting with her in the process- again, this will only reinforce the behavior, blah! What DID work was this: IGNORING THE BEHAVIOR. Without looking in her eyes or talking or acknowledging her any any way, when she dropped her sippy cup on purpose I would bend down, pick it up and put it back in her tray. That’s it. It was the same thing I was doing before, yes, but this time I was doing it conscious of NOT GIVING HER ATTENTION. It took about a week but she learned the lesson- throwing your sippy cup on the ground is not a way to get mama’s attention. Soon after it wasn’t getting her attention anymore, she stopped doing it.

  • Real Life Example: Knocking Mama’s Glasses Off

Another bad habit Soph developed around month 8 or 9 that drove me crazy was knocking my glasses off my face, over and over and over again. Ughhh, I love my baby but BOY was this annoying. Again, I tried telling her no and explaining that I need my glasses to see. Without meaning to I was reinforcing the behavior by giving it attention. Bad mama! As soon as I stopped paying attention to her knocking my glasses of (this was quite challenging, as she was literally smacking me in the face!) she stopped engaging in the annoying behavior. This took a little bit longer, I’d say around a week and a half but eventually it worked!

It’s not easy ignoring baby’s annoying behavior, ESPECIALLY when you’re out and about.  Letting the sippy cup fall on the floor fifty times is fine to do at home but in a germ-y restaurant, not so much. Take advantage of time at home to really nail down your Resting Mom Face and soon you’ll see those annoying behaviors are a thing of the past. Keep in mind though- when baby is sick or over-tired ALL RULES ARE OUT THE WINDOW.

Some Parting Thoughts on the First Year

The last thing I’d like you to keep in mind for baby’s first year is this: ALL BABIES ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL. ALL BABIES REACH MILESTONES AT THEIR OWN PACE. Putting your baby on strict timeline and comparing them to your friends’ kiddos will rarely be reassuring and will ALWAYS be anxiety provoking. Your baby is an individual and he/she will roll, crawl, walk, talk and hit all the other milestones whenever they are ready. Breathe. Relax. You got this, mama!

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Comments

  1. Danielle says

    October 18, 2017 at 2:34 am

    You speak the truth, Mama! Hamish hasn’t gotten to the glasses knocking phase yet, but I have to prepare. 😉

    Reply
    • SHR says

      October 18, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Get ready cause it’s a comminnnnn haha Thanks for stopping by lovie!

      Reply
  2. Paulina Valdez Franco says

    September 13, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    Thanks fo sharing! My little one is almost 5 months old so im gettin ready to hit that 6 month mark! =)

    Reply
    • SHR says

      September 15, 2017 at 10:24 am

      Good luck! Keep me posted on how it works for you!

      Reply
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  @ALittleTooLoud
It’s Opening Day in America’s (and my husband’s) most beloved ballpark this week ⚾️🎟️🔥👏🏽 Planning on taking the kids this spring or summer? Don’t worry - I got chuuu Mama! 🥰❤️ Tips and tricks for a successful trip to Fenway Park with your littles: 

⚾️ Sign your kids up for Red Sox Kid Nation to score them a free ticket! The first tier (rookie) membership is free and also gets them some @redsox swag 👏🏽 Sign up for the newsletter while you’re at it to be notified of kid/family friendly ballpark events or special games 🔥

⚾️ Enter through Gate K (for kids!) to access @fenwaypark ‘s Kids Concourse where you’ll find fun games and activities for your littles! Think face painting, balloon art, more kid friendly concession stands, etc.. 

⚾️ Wally’s Clubhouse is a great spot for little humans to stretch their legs and partake in some ballpark fun of their own: Lego blocks, a toddler playground, magic shoes and in inning 3, photo ops with Wally himself 🥰 

⚾️ Although game goers are limited in what size bag they can bring in, diaper bags get a free pass so don’t fret about the size (just leave pocket knifes at home.. 😅😅). Small, umbrella type strollers are also allowed in the stadium 👏🏽 

⚾️ Family bathrooms are located near the Customer Service booth at Gate E and next to the elevator in the Big Concourse, on the Pavilion Level under Pavilion Box 14 and on top of Pavilion Box 2 🔥🔥 @fenwaypark also features clean and private pumping/nursing stations 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Note: every bathroom (not just family bathrooms and regardless of gender) has changing tables 🫰🏽 

⚾️ If you are worried about drinking, purchase tickets in the CVS Family Section located in grandstands sections 32 + 33. No alcohol is allowed here and this is strictly enforced. 

⚾️ HAVE FUN!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 

What’s your happiest Fenway memory?! Mine might be the snapshots compiled in this video — the kids’ first time in a place that means so much to my #handsomehubbs and family 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
.. and if that doesn’t call for a @badbunnypr ba .. and if that doesn’t call for a @badbunnypr bathroom dance party, I don’t know what does 😜😂💃🏽 Click the link in bio to shop @harperwilde 15% off 👏🏽🔥 

🎥 Items shown: 

☝🏽 the BLISS bralette in the “take up space” edit in size S 🫰🏽

✌🏽 the LOUNGE RIBBED TRIANGLE bralette in size S 

👌🏽 the BLISS TRIANGLE BRALETTE in color beige, size S 

And not pictured 🩲, to spare my dad 🤣: 

🫰🏽 no show high waste brief in size S 
🫰🏽no show bikini in size S 

code GOWILDESTEPHANIE gets you 15% off 🥰❤️ What’s your fave?!?
🐰 PSA 🐰 Easter is two weeks away 💓 🥚🌷 Swipe for cutie, unique Easter basket ideas that will make it your 🐇 on time 👏🏽 and click the link in bio to shop 🫰🏽✨ HAPPY SPRING, friends! 🌷💫
🚿 Showering in #CasaRice will never be the same 🚿 Showering in #CasaRice will never be the same again thanks to @tooletries_hq 🔥🙌🏽 #gifted 

Products shown: 

🫰🏽 The Harvey & Oliver Set (mirror + caddy) 

🫰🏽 The Arnold (2 pack of hook tiles that can hold up to 4 pounds - we were SHOOK when we realized our heavy towels stay up, even when wet!!) 

🫰🏽Silicone body scrubber 🧽 

Thank you @tooletries_hq for upgrading our shower game, BIG TIME 👏🏽🔥😋
Best $70 we’ve spent in a WHILE 🔥 See the sid Best $70 we’ve spent in a WHILE 🔥 See the side straps?! The bag can also hold skis, too, if you can believe it 😱 I LOVE that it’s a 🎒 because we need hands free to carry the little’s bags ($30, also linked in bio!) and other gear 🙌🏽 We’ve used these for our last 2 ski trips and they are a game changer ✅ 

I keep all 4 ski bags packed with: boots, socks, waterproof layers, head/face coverings, helmet, goggles + mittens - essentially everything but base + inner layers. When we get back from a 🎿 trip, I immediately wash (regular), dry (air, no dryer) and repack 💥🫰🏽 It’s so beyond helpful to be able to grab and go knowing we’re not leaving anything behind. 🙌🏽🙌🏽 See you next year, babies 🎒🎒❤️‍🔥
One last 🎿 weekend before welcoming in the🌷🌸🌺🌼 ✨ In like a lion, out like a lamb 🫰🏽 Peace out #skiszn ✌🏽- we *really* gave it our ALL this year 🙌🏽🔥🎿✅
A little recap of Mr. and Mrs. Williamson’s ✨D A little recap of Mr. and Mrs. Williamson’s ✨D R E A M Y ✨ happily ever after 👰🏼‍♀️🤵🏼‍♂️💍🌴💓 We love you guys!!!! 💫💫💫💫
A weekend away from the kids.. but not their GERMS A weekend away from the kids.. but not their GERMS 🦠🤮🙃💚 Made the best of 72 hours in San Diego with the stomach bug, fina cortesía de mi Chickie Lou ☠️☠️ Bug or no bug, so thankful to be a part of your forever - ain’t no thang gonna keep us from celebrating our best guy finding his forever gal, @hayhaywilliamson 💓🙏🏽✨ Que vivan los novios!!! 👰🏼🤵🏼‍♂️🫶🏽
It’s a snowstorm eve miracle! 😂❄️💓 @sw It’s a snowstorm eve miracle! 😂❄️💓 @sweatybetty sure knows how to make ‘em! Click the in bio (or visit the blog and click to shop my Instagram) to shop my favorite base layers at 50% off! 🎿🔥


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It’s Opening Day in America’s (and my husband’s) most beloved ballpark this week ⚾️🎟️🔥👏🏽 Planning on taking the kids this spring or summer? Don’t worry - I got chuuu Mama! 🥰❤️ Tips and tricks for a successful trip to Fenway Park with your littles: 

⚾️ Sign your kids up for Red Sox Kid Nation to score them a free ticket! The first tier (rookie) membership is free and also gets them some @redsox swag 👏🏽 Sign up for the newsletter while you’re at it to be notified of kid/family friendly ballpark events or special games 🔥

⚾️ Enter through Gate K (for kids!) to access @fenwaypark ‘s Kids Concourse where you’ll find fun games and activities for your littles! Think face painting, balloon art, more kid friendly concession stands, etc.. 

⚾️ Wally’s Clubhouse is a great spot for little humans to stretch their legs and partake in some ballpark fun of their own: Lego blocks, a toddler playground, magic shoes and in inning 3, photo ops with Wally himself 🥰 

⚾️ Although game goers are limited in what size bag they can bring in, diaper bags get a free pass so don’t fret about the size (just leave pocket knifes at home.. 😅😅). Small, umbrella type strollers are also allowed in the stadium 👏🏽 

⚾️ Family bathrooms are located near the Customer Service booth at Gate E and next to the elevator in the Big Concourse, on the Pavilion Level under Pavilion Box 14 and on top of Pavilion Box 2 🔥🔥 @fenwaypark also features clean and private pumping/nursing stations 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Note: every bathroom (not just family bathrooms and regardless of gender) has changing tables 🫰🏽 

⚾️ If you are worried about drinking, purchase tickets in the CVS Family Section located in grandstands sections 32 + 33. No alcohol is allowed here and this is strictly enforced. 

⚾️ HAVE FUN!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 

What’s your happiest Fenway memory?! Mine might be the snapshots compiled in this video — the kids’ first time in a place that means so much to my #handsomehubbs and family 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
.. and if that doesn’t call for a @badbunnypr ba .. and if that doesn’t call for a @badbunnypr bathroom dance party, I don’t know what does 😜😂💃🏽 Click the link in bio to shop @harperwilde 15% off 👏🏽🔥 

🎥 Items shown: 

☝🏽 the BLISS bralette in the “take up space” edit in size S 🫰🏽

✌🏽 the LOUNGE RIBBED TRIANGLE bralette in size S 

👌🏽 the BLISS TRIANGLE BRALETTE in color beige, size S 

And not pictured 🩲, to spare my dad 🤣: 

🫰🏽 no show high waste brief in size S 
🫰🏽no show bikini in size S 

code GOWILDESTEPHANIE gets you 15% off 🥰❤️ What’s your fave?!?
🐰 PSA 🐰 Easter is two weeks away 💓 🥚🌷 Swipe for cutie, unique Easter basket ideas that will make it your 🐇 on time 👏🏽 and click the link in bio to shop 🫰🏽✨ HAPPY SPRING, friends! 🌷💫
🚿 Showering in #CasaRice will never be the same 🚿 Showering in #CasaRice will never be the same again thanks to @tooletries_hq 🔥🙌🏽 #gifted 

Products shown: 

🫰🏽 The Harvey & Oliver Set (mirror + caddy) 

🫰🏽 The Arnold (2 pack of hook tiles that can hold up to 4 pounds - we were SHOOK when we realized our heavy towels stay up, even when wet!!) 

🫰🏽Silicone body scrubber 🧽 

Thank you @tooletries_hq for upgrading our shower game, BIG TIME 👏🏽🔥😋
Best $70 we’ve spent in a WHILE 🔥 See the sid Best $70 we’ve spent in a WHILE 🔥 See the side straps?! The bag can also hold skis, too, if you can believe it 😱 I LOVE that it’s a 🎒 because we need hands free to carry the little’s bags ($30, also linked in bio!) and other gear 🙌🏽 We’ve used these for our last 2 ski trips and they are a game changer ✅ 

I keep all 4 ski bags packed with: boots, socks, waterproof layers, head/face coverings, helmet, goggles + mittens - essentially everything but base + inner layers. When we get back from a 🎿 trip, I immediately wash (regular), dry (air, no dryer) and repack 💥🫰🏽 It’s so beyond helpful to be able to grab and go knowing we’re not leaving anything behind. 🙌🏽🙌🏽 See you next year, babies 🎒🎒❤️‍🔥
One last 🎿 weekend before welcoming in the🌷🌸🌺🌼 ✨ In like a lion, out like a lamb 🫰🏽 Peace out #skiszn ✌🏽- we *really* gave it our ALL this year 🙌🏽🔥🎿✅
A little recap of Mr. and Mrs. Williamson’s ✨D A little recap of Mr. and Mrs. Williamson’s ✨D R E A M Y ✨ happily ever after 👰🏼‍♀️🤵🏼‍♂️💍🌴💓 We love you guys!!!! 💫💫💫💫
A weekend away from the kids.. but not their GERMS A weekend away from the kids.. but not their GERMS 🦠🤮🙃💚 Made the best of 72 hours in San Diego with the stomach bug, fina cortesía de mi Chickie Lou ☠️☠️ Bug or no bug, so thankful to be a part of your forever - ain’t no thang gonna keep us from celebrating our best guy finding his forever gal, @hayhaywilliamson 💓🙏🏽✨ Que vivan los novios!!! 👰🏼🤵🏼‍♂️🫶🏽
It’s a snowstorm eve miracle! 😂❄️💓 @sw It’s a snowstorm eve miracle! 😂❄️💓 @sweatybetty sure knows how to make ‘em! Click the in bio (or visit the blog and click to shop my Instagram) to shop my favorite base layers at 50% off! 🎿🔥
Another week, another library trip 🫶🏽Really Another week, another library trip 🫶🏽Really excited about this week’s picks! 

🔥 Stella Never Gives Up by @andominguezzzz ft. a Latinx girl who wants to save the ocean while on vacation — sound like anyone you know? 😂❤️‍🔥 Chick is bound to love this series 🤞🏽🤞🏽 

🔥 Anisa’s International Day by @reemfaruqi centers Pakistani culture 🙌🏽 as we follow Anisa’s adventures introducing her culture to her classmates! 

🔥 The Lemonade Series grabbed Chick immediately! It humorously covers themes of sibling rivalry and conflict resolution. She was laughing out loud while reading this morning 😂😍

🔥 The Invincible Girls Series are shorter chapter books geared towards the 7-10 age group. Chick devours them in *literally* one sitting 🥲 

🔥 Say it Out Loud by @allisonvarnes is one we will try to read together as it’s more advanced (and longer!). The main theme is bullying and the consequences of staying silent. It looks really interesting and has great reviews ❤️‍🔥 

She likely won’t read all of them - I never know what will grab her attention! — but I loaded UP this week because most books are on the shorter side ❤️

Links in bio!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
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